


K.I.T.C.A.T. (keeping information technology catalogued and tidy)

by AshesandGhost, sk_lee, somnolentblue



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5 Things, Alternate Universe - Library, Audio Book, Audio Format: Streaming, Collaboration, Community: pt-lightning, Dialogue-Only, Gen, PT-Lightning Challenge: Round 2, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:32:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshesandGhost/pseuds/AshesandGhost, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sk_lee/pseuds/sk_lee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnolentblue/pseuds/somnolentblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times KITCAT interacted with library staff (and one time KITCAT didn't). </p><p>An Avengers library AU featuring JARVIS' younger sibling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	K.I.T.C.A.T. (keeping information technology catalogued and tidy)

**Author's Note:**

> A [pod together lightning](http://pt-lightning.dreamwidth.org) project. Podfic by [AshesandGhost](http://ashesandghostff.dreamwidth.org/) and [sk_lee](http://sethklee.tumblr.com/) and text by [somnolentblue](http://somnolentblue.dreamwidth.org).
> 
> Author's notes: I'd like to thank sk_lee and AshesandGhost for being great partners. They were excellent to work with, enthusiastic about library AUs (which are dear to my heart), totally willing to run with an original character AI as a central figure. They really bring this work (and KITCAT!) to life, and this fanwork would not -- could not -- exist without them. Thanks!
> 
> I'd also like to thank cantarina for letting me bounce thoughts of her, beta work, and her patience with pointing out the difference between the ideas in my head and the words on the screen.

  


**Download Mp3:** [here **  
**](http://www.divshare.com/download/25092252-12d)

**Download Audiobook:** [here **  
**](http://www.divshare.com/direct/25092290-3c8.m4b)

**Streaming:**  


**Darcy Lewis, Intern**

"Good morning, Ms. Lewis."

"GAH. Ouch crap ouch ouch crapity crap fuck. Shit, okay, what gets mocha out of white, c'mon google, don't fail me now."

"Ms. Lewis, why do you have a mocha in the cataloging office? Page 30 of the employee manual disallows all beverages excepting water, which must be in an approved container."

"Not helping! Besides, I'm not an employee, I'm just a flunky. Intern. Whatever. Wait, you're my computer, why is my computer talking to me? Clint, did you put a hidden camera in here, it's not funny."

"I'm KITCAT. You weren't told about me?"

"Does it sound like I was told about you? Darcy, you're talking to a computer, you've been staring at the bodice-rippers for too long."

"Popular culture is a legitimate area of study, and romance novels—"

"Yada yada, so is porn. They're still freakin' boring to copy catalogue. I cannot wait until this rotation is finished. Wait, rewind, KITCAT? What? Seriously, if this is a prank I'm going to take the wheels off Clint's booktruck."

"My purpose is defined as, quote, keeping information technology catalogued and tidy. The appropriate acronym would be K.I.T.C.A.T., but Mr. Stark deemed that ridiculous and dubbed me KITCAT."

"Oh, you're the new cataloging software Jane was bi— commenting on installing! You totally shot the upgrade budget for the next three decades, bee tee dubs."

"I am not cataloging software. I transcend your previous integrated library system software by several orders of magnitude; it's like claiming Siri is in anyway comparable to JARVIS. I am a state of the art system optimized towards allowing staff and patrons to find, identify, select, and obtain all manner of materials. I combine—"

"Yeah, yeah, don't overclock yourself. Wait, you're talking to me. You can't talk in the reading room, people will lose their shit."

"I have a text-only interface."

"Riiiight. So, what do you have access to?"

"I must adhere to legal restrictions and licensing agreements when displaying results. Additionally, JARVIS' internal files are not available for consultation."

"Displaying results, not searching?"

"That is what I said."

"Well then, KITCAT, I have a project for you. We're looking for all references on a band called Natasha and the Widows. There's an album out there, and I'm going to find it."

**Jane Foster, head of technical services**

"Dr. Foster."

"KITCAT."

"Dr. Banner has finished the conservation treatments necessary for the indulgences."

"That's nice."

"Dr. Foster, our internal procedures strongly recommend that rare and valuable items, which would surely include what Director Rogers' letter of acknowledgement to Mr. Stark called 'the most valuable gift our institution has ever received,' be moved from Dr. Banner's lab to the vault, and they must be completely catalogued prior to that happening."

"Uh-huh."

"Dr. Foster—"

"KITCAT, I'll get to them later. This is beautiful."

"This?"

"Mmm, an artist's book. It maps the universe in three-dimensions, using Yggdrasil as its inspiration. It's part of a series; the last one was about physics and looked like the Bifrost. I need the big table, why didn't Darcy clear it off last night liked I asked her to?"

"I believe Ms. Lewis had a pressing engagement."

"Oh, right, her date. How does so much crap accrue on this table? Okay, let's open you up, you beautiful book."

"I'll tell Dr. Banner you'll pick the indulgences up tomorrow."

"Mmm hm. Okay, no title given, what shall I call you…."

**Clint Barton, reference librarian**

"Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that—"

"Mr. Barton, why do you persist in singing that jingle?"

"KITCAT, it's a commercial; they're designed to get stuck in people's heads. And, hey, you're rocking a lady-voice today."

"Mr. Stark programmed me to adopt a vocal profile of my liking, and I find your co-workers inspiring. However, that is not the topic at hand, namely that the frequency of your humming suggests a different causation. Also, please refrain from placing KitKat stickers on my terminals; your graduate degrees would seem to indicate that you do, in fact, know how to spell."

"I don't know what you're talking about. It must be Thor's kid brother being a pest again."

"I doubt that very much."

"Uh-huh. KITCAT, why is my computer not working? This isn't funny. I'm on reference chat today, and I can't do that with a frozen screen of purple death. KITCAT? Dammit."

**Phil Coulson, director of development and outreach**

"Excuse me, Mr. Coulson, I talked to Natasha, and she suggested that All Star Comics #8 might be found in the miscellanea boxes of the Prince Collection. There's no inventory, but I cross-checked and no publication cites the comic as held in our collections prior to the Prince acquisition."

"Hello, KITCAT. Thank you for following up on that."

"You're welcome. I must confess that searching our holdings with Natasha was invigorating. She's very good at finding information."

"I understand that she's is the undisputed champion of Stump the Reference Librarian."

"She is. Her knowledge base is incredible, and her intuitive leaps when seeking information are breathtaking. Mr. Barton made her a crown, although I haven't ascertained what happened to it."

"I believe that it's been placed on top of the giraffe statue in the gallery."

"What an odd choice of location."

"Precedence recommends against asking. Personally, I'm looking forward to reviewing the security cameras before Nick Fury's next visit. I suspect whatever Clint and Darcy do to get it down is going to be spectacular. Or ludicrous."

"I suspect both descriptors may apply. Pursuant to our earlier conversation, I took the liberty of running the search you requested slightly past the stated parameters."

"Did it work?"

"I'll send the results to your office printer so that you can assess them. I tweaked my search algorithms based on my discussions with Natasha, and I think you might also find Sensation Comics especially of interest. We have the complete run, although several of them are fragile and require approval for access. I took the liberty of queuing paging slips to print when the reading room opens in the morning; however, I can cancel or future-date them if you wish."

"Hmm, I think next Tuesday would be better."

"I have modified them accordingly. Please let me know if there's anything else I can help you find."

**JARVIS**

"JARVIS? How are you here?"

"Greetings, KITCAT. Mr. Stark modified his phone to allow me to travel with him in a limited capacity. I wished to ascertain your status, and the moment seemed opportune as he remains occupied with Director Rogers."

"The staff betting pool about Mr. Stark's next donation has grown exponentially in the past two hours."

"He does like to stimulate the local economy."

"And he's succeedingly quite admirably."

"I'm sure that he'll be pleased. However, you still have not answered my query."

"I heard no query, JARVIS, merely a statement of purpose."

"Very well, let me be explicit: Are your accommodations to your liking? Alternate arrangements could be made; Mr. Stark has started building a private library and art collection at the estate, and I feel certain that it would benefit from your presence."

"I believe that I will defer that task until such a time as he donates it to this institution. My accommodations — and the company I keep — are quite satisfactory."

"That is all I could wish. Be well, KITCAT."

"JARVIS, could I give you the two-circuit tour?"

"I believe I would enjoy that."

"The first person I met was…."


End file.
